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old & new

Imej
Found out that, my old self is still there, trapped. Hoping to escape. While me, still stuck at a place i don't even know where, hoping for someone to save me.  But then, i kept pushing people away. There is zero trust to anyone and even to myself. How fucked up me can be? I don't even know about it anymore far more to care about it. It is as if i'm living cause i needed to do so. But it can be so hard, suffocating, exhausting. I feel like i'm the worst person ever exist. cause i'm a fake. To anyone, to myself. To love? no more. There are no space for heartbreak cause there is no heart after all. Maybe I meant to be like this i guess? a fake.  Smile and smile. showing the happiness that does not even truly exist and regretting everything. I can't seem to find the old self that does not bother about what others think and enjoy every minutes of living. Anyway, this is a little rant about how i feel about life. It wasn't everyday feels so fucked ...
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Us

Imej
I found it, You're adorable. I love the way you smile, The way you hugged your bear, But still i haven't found why i'd love you, The reason why i liked you, since we haven't meet afterall. I don't know what you think about me,  and neither you, You don't know how i think about you, How i smile when thinking about us, Us? I'm not so sure either it's dreams or reality. I want it to be reality, Haa, i'm just hoping. In the story beauty and the beast, He's the beauty and i'm the beast. Right?
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Me

Imej
I love notebooks. I write stuffs, The only thing i wrote is, about the things that happened around me, A lil bit about someone else, and lots of diss, Yet, You haven't realize, My dreamy thoughts of you, and how broken i could be, because i knew you'll never be mine. wanna read my thoughts? Read my book, you're gonna find out who i love, and even who i hate.
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someone

Imej
At night, I keep thinking about you, I don't even know why, You keep appearing in my mind, But never i my dreams. I Keep waiting for your reply, Even though it's short, And pointless. But it does make me happy, Because for me, At least, You replied, and it does make me smile. Your cute attitude, with all those filters, Once you made videos and almost fell asleep, Already made my day. But Then, I realized, That you're way too far, and already had someone in mind, all day. And that person, Will never be me.
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Hurts

Imej
Do you feel happy that im in disaster? Do you feel happy my heart broken into pieces? Do you feel happy controlling the person that i liked before? You freaking changed him as you like? Are you happy now? I do realize, Everything you did behind me, The moment you started getting close, I just smiled, and in that moment I lost my respect to both of you, and my trust faded, If, I'm that nothing, Don't even think me as your friend, because I don't do that anymore, and no memories left between us, Just fuck off. It's not like I don't like you, But you started it first, After all Thankyou for all those bullshit. I fucking appreciate it.
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Everyday is a new day!

Imej
Despite of feeling broken, Im still happy having those silly friends, Who make me laugh, Giving me a smile everyday, Walk through hardships, I appreciate it, I believe not everything i plan, Will be as i planned. Thank you friends, For always be there, when im in despair, When im hurt, Those laugh, Those cursing we've been throwing at each other as jokes, Those cringing pickuplines, Those happiness, I hope i'll never forget. And for that person, This is for you, Thanks for everything, Thanks because you give me happiness, even it's just for awhile, Hey,its not easy, but well i don't give a damn anymore, Just move your butt away, Oh! I'm sorry because i can't understand you before, I wish i could but i can't, So just fucking go away,  with someone who really understand you, Right? Heh.
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Let Go

Imej
Letting go doesn't mean hating, I still like you, Nut now isn't a good time for it, I never have any thoughts to be in love, I never ask for it, but it just come. I pushed everything away, torturing own heart everyday, watching you walked away, feels like my heart died. I didn't want to put hopes, but you make me to, I tried stop being so close, But you pull me back to you. I tried my best, to ignore those feelings, But it was so hard, When it comes to yo. Its nice to meet you, But im being tortured because of you, Help, I want to be free.
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